When you offer tattoo removal services, you get to see a lot of bad tattoos. Here at Kucumber Skin Lounge, our tattoo removal services has helped many people make their mistakes disappear, and we’ve seen a lot of “types” walk through our door. If you’re one of these people, or you know someone who is, Kucumber can help!
1.) The Twins
You and your crew might have thought matching tattoos were a great idea once, but unfortunately not all friendships last as long as the ink. And nothing’s worse than looking down at your wrist and for an eternal reminder of that time your ex-best friend slept with your fiancé.
2.) The Middle School Drop Out
Oh man, are there a lot of these out there! The infamous “Nowledge is Power" tattoo, the ubiquitous confusion of “your” and “you’re,” or maybe you accidentally wrote “Kelly” instead of “Kelley”—whoops! But you don’t have to live with the embarrassment of a spelling or grammar mistake forever.
3.) The Fankid
Consider this: there must be a thousand Justin Bieber tattoos out there right now. Not all fandom is eternal. People get tattoos of barely-famous 15-minute stars like Clay Aiken, fallen heroes like Bill Cosby, or juvenile obsessions like Twilight. Pop culture icons come and go, but bad taste is forever.
4.) The Unemployed
Whatever you do, whatever you’re going through, do not get a tattoo on your face. You will regret it. You might think it’s cute and subtle, like a star under your eye, or you might have a full-forehead “Hail Satan.” Either one can make people hate you before they even speak to you, not to mention doom you to a career as a fry cook.
5.) The Funny Guy
Maybe there was a time in your life you really wanted to prove how hilarious you were by getting a tattoo that says, “Tattoo,” a heart that says, “Your Mom,” or some absurd random cartoon. You know what isn’t very funny, though? A joke you hear over and over again. And you’ll have to hear your own joke every time you look in the mirror.
6.) The Lousy Artist
Portraiture is hard, and there are a lot of amateur tattoo artists who do some absolutely horrifying work. If you want your baby daughter to look like Gollum, or your portrait of Madonna to look like a screaming zombie, by all means try getting a portrait done by an amateur. And if you’re already the proud owner of a Che Guevara who looks like a Rorschach, give us a call!
7.) The Ex
This has got to be the most removed tattoo of all time. We cannot stress this enough: never get someone’s name tattooed! If you want to show off your devotion, maybe you should invest in some property together or make a scrapbook.
8.) The DIY
“Stick-and-pokes” are DIY-tattoos made by dipping a needle in ink and stabbing one dot at a time into the skin. It’s popular because it’s free, and you can do it in a living room, a prison, a bar, or pretty much anywhere. It’s unpopular, though, for the same reason. Anyone can do it, at any time, anywhere, and that makes for some pretty awful artists. Imagine a stupid tattoo. Now, imagine it done in wobbly pointillism with fading, uneven ink. That’s pretty much the fate of every stick-and-poke.
9.) The Tough Guy
When you get a little older, you might not want everyone at your daughter’s preschool to know how many men you killed, which gang you were in, or how much you loved flaming demon skulls when you were young. When a lot of guys grow up, they realize their actions speak louder than their ink, and that there’s a difference between looking strong and looking scary.
10.) The Misogynist
Speaking of that daughter at preschool, you probably don’t want to explain to her and all her friends why you have a naked sailor girl being attacked by some angry sea creature on your arm. And if you get over your ex and fall in love with someone amazing, you might feel pretty stupid about having “Trust No Female” scrawled along your chest.
Of course, everyone’s bad tattoo story is a little different, but they all have the same solution: laser tattoo removal! Call us at Kucumber Skin Lounge for a consultation regarding how to remove your regrettable ink.